Nancy’s Scientology Story
I am an ex-scientologist child, I was born, I grew up and I barely escaped with my life. When I say this you might be thinking of me escaping in a ninja outfit, from a high profile building, with men that look like they should be in the CIA chasing after me. This is not exactly what I mean, I am speaking metaphorically only.
Yes, I would still be alive if I had remained in Scientology. However, I would be a mindless drone, in indentured servitude to a billion dollar corporation, disguised as a religion designed to swindle money from its loyal followers. Out of all of the possible fates that I might have been awarded I am ecstatic I managed to avoid the average life of a Scientologist.
My escape was not simple or easy. It took years for me to even question what I had been told to think, believe and know. For several years I had felt that something was wrong with my life, yet it took me several more to accept it was Scientology. I was raised never to question the church. When someone questioned any aspect of Scientology they were put through rigorous scrutiny known as “Ethics”. This was to be avoided at all costs, so I did what I found out many did in my situation, lie. Pretend I was someone whom I wasn’t.
I kept to myself, learned how to fool the e-meters (Scientology lie detector), and was careful to never let my true feeling show through.
Six months before I escaped Scientology for good, one day stands out in particular, it is a true testament to my discontent and false self. It was a snowy night in the winter of 1999. I walk down 4th St. in Cincinnati, Ohio, I draw closer and closer to the door that I am dreading entering.
“Why did I dread it?” you may ask.
Many reasons: first being the embarrassment of entering the building itself, second would be the people inside, and last but certainly not least would be the 4 hours I would have to spend in a small sauna with a bunch of other sweaty brainwashed Scientologists.
I stop half a block short and scan the pedestrians surrounding the entrance, “Good, no one I know except the Scientology staff that are smoking cigarettes”. I take two more big long drags of my cigarette and put it out with the tip of my high heel shoes. I quickly walk towards the door with my head down and my hair in my face.
The first floor is nothing but a long hallway leading to some old steep wooden stairs. I consider taking them but laziness gets the better of me and I take the elevator instead. I get off at the fourth floor and right as I take my 5th step off the elevator, a lady named Jenny has stops me. She has long brown wavy hair and is wearing a flowered blouse and jeans. She has a pleasant warm face with soft features. She has a habit of saying “you know what I mean” after everything she says.
I walk with her over to the couch in the lobby at her request. “So have you given any thought to joining staff?” she asks.
“No I don’t think it’s for me, but thanks though.” I reply.
“Well it’s only a two and a half year contract, you are, what, 17?”
“14” I interrupted.
“Great 14, so you would only be 16 by the time you are finished. You will receive all of your courses for free while you were on staff and you will be helping to clear the planet. We need people like you right now. The psychiatrists have just invented a new drug that is being administered in public schools, it up to us to stop them. You know what I mean?” As she says this she looks at me with a sense of urgency.
“I know, but I just don’t think staff is for me.” I told her “I am going to be late, see ya Jenny.” She is obviously not finished talking to me, but I pretend I think she is, as I smile as I run off.
Down the hall and around the corner is Kevin’s office. He is the Purif IC (This stand for the person who is in charge of the Purification rundown, which is a Scientology program designed to purify you body of toxins). He is a short man with dark brown hair, a five-o-clock shadow, crooked teeth and a leather jacket. I pop my head in and say “Man it’s getting cold outside, it was even snowing earlier.”
He replies “Sure is” as he hands me my daily dose of pills, an overflowing handful of vitamins, along with 2,500 MG of Niacin, and 2 tablespoons of Lecithin. I take most of the vitamins; however some manage to find their way into my jacket pocket. 1,500 MG of Niacin goes down while the other 1,000 MG is hidden in my cheek and under my tongue. The lecithin isn’t so bad after all of that.
Next on my daily Purif agenda is a 20 minute jog on the treadmill in Kevin’s office followed by the start of my four hours in the sauna. The sauna is rather small to try to accommodate the five of us; thankfully it is very clean, and the smell of citrus and vitamins is overwhelming when first entering.
I lie on the lowest bench furthest away from the coals. I attempt to keep to myself, and avoid conversation with the others. I spend my whole 4 hours day dreaming with my eyes closed drifting in and out of consciousness. I dream of a life where I can state openly what I believe and feel. And most of all a time when I can tell all of these people that they are completely crazy and leave all of these Scientologists behind me.
I had learned to hate them, once upon a time I just hated Scientology itself, but it had grown to something greater. I hated the way these people smell, the way they dress, the way they stare dead into your eyes without a blink, and most of all their inability to see that they are being used. I was only 14 and I was well aware of what was going on.
“How can anyone be so blind?” I think to myself.
Then I remember that all these people are victims. Obviously a higher power is controlling their every move. I know what it looks like on the outside, but after being on the inside, I will tell you that even if someone does want out it is not easy, your whole life is surrounded by Scientology, your family, friends, activities and maybe even your job. Becoming this involved is a gradual process that takes place over many years, but when you are in this situation it is not easy to turn your back on everything you know and abandon your whole life.
Because of this I plan to spend a portion of my life helping other escape this fate. I hope after reading this you will have more understanding and sympathy for those involved in Scientology.