Finally willing to try an antidepressant

It took 4 years for me to finally agree to try an antidepressant. No doubt, growing up in scientology made this a very difficult process. The things that I was told about psychiatry created what Steven Hassan calls a "cult-induced phobia" and I still possessed the fear of any medications that affect the Central Nervous System (i.e. what scientologists call Psych Drugs in a derogatory way) Because there were some horror stories that scientology had blown up to seem commonplace.

I want to share my experience so anyone else who might need help to get back into the swing of things, isn't afraid of trying. Certainly by now, if you are reading this, you at least have doubts about the agenda of the scientology corporation. Regardless, the point is that the things scientology says about medication they claim are factual, and yet strangely the things they are teaching are more about creating fear then providing facts.

1. It is important to realize that these aren't narcotics. You won't be high as a kite or anything extreme like that. At present, I've been taking one for just over a week, and I'm still the same. Positive effects aren't supposed to show up for several more weeks.

2. Antidepressants aren't a 'magic pill' that's going to fix everything for you. Not that scientology ever said that, but it is important to keep in mind, especially while dealing with bouts of deep depression. I've adopted the view that this medication is a 'foothold' to help me get my life moving again. There is no intention to get me 'hooked' on the medication, or anything like that. Once things in my life are going relatively smoothly again, I intend to stop taking them. I was told that my grandmother had taken an antidepressant for two years after her husband passed away, and she stopped taking it when she was ready. The majority of the people in her life felt that they were essential for her to take, I certainly don't see her 'zombified' like scientology warned would happen to anyone who took these kinds of medication. She's happy and well.

3. Not every medication works for everyone. I was unlucky enough to have an allergic reaction to an SSRI, and of course that voice inside my head was saying "see, psych drugs are bad!!!" and this was a rather poor way to start the process. Luckily I found out that my friends mother had been taking the exact same pill for months, and didn't experience any of the reactions that I had on the very first day. If I hadn't known that this woman had been taking them for a while without any adverse reactions, I would never have tried another pill. But since it was clear to me that this was just bad luck, I agreed to try another category, and thats the one I've been taking for a week and a half, as of this writing. I haven't noticed any changes at all, and I'm starting to wonder if this pill is going to have any effect at all, and I may need to try another kind.

4. I don't feel like the pill has induced any kind of psychosis, or any spiritual traumas. I'm not a scientist so I can't swear that it would never ever happen in rare cases. I only have my own experience to go on and that is more real then the rumors and propaganda that I've been fed.

In scientology's doctrine, these medications were claimed to forever destroy the thetan's ability to achieve gains through auditing, or worse, restimulate the person to a very severe, even psychotic degree. Now that I have actually started taking an antidepressant, I can say from my own experience that I certainly don't feel like starting a school shooting or anything insane that I feared would happen once I started taking it. (scientology's anti-psychiatry front called CCHR blamed the Columbine shooting on some psychiatric medication in a pseudo-documentary called 'industry of death') Its no wonder why I was so afraid to start taking them when I reflect on all the terrible things I had been told would happen. I don't believe in the spiritual aspect of scientology anymore, but just taking a moment to think in that frame of reference, then I'd certainly detect the feelings associated with heavy restimulation if they were triggered. Its just not the case.

That said, of course there are side-effects, just as with any medication. Scientologists are ok with antibiotics, but for example, I've taken amoxicillin, more known as 'banana medicine' because it was flavoured for children to take, which was an antibiotic, and it caused diarhea. It isn't any different with these meds, scientology just portrayed it as worse. In the case of this antidepressant, I seem to have a more unsettled sleep schedule, but that's hard to say concretely; I've had lousy sleeping patterns for over two years now. When I type on the keyboard, sometimes I spell a word in the wrong order, so there is a tiny reduction in my neurological accuracy with my hands so long as I'm on it. By the same token, I know that I'm not being impaired with my thinking, because I recently complete a very complicated computer project where I volunteer. I expect things will evolve and change over the next few weeks, I'll finally see the benefits, if any.

5. Psychiatrists aren't "pill pushers" like scientology has described. For a period of time I was still nervous about talking to a psychiatrist, though I eventually did talk to one and it was a positive experience. In fact the only times I was pressured to start taking an antidepressant were my close friends who saw that I'd been going through rough times emotionally, and they felt it would help. I went to see a psychiatrist this year thinking that it was the way to get a prescription for one, but in fact we spent most of the time talking about my experience with scientology, and in the end he said it was up to me.

This reveals the whole basis of my concept of the medical system was wrong. Scientology told me that you go to a psychiatrist and he "puts you on the medication", and even that was wrong. All I had to do was go to see my family doctor and get the prescription there. I started the process myself. This is important to realize because when scientology describes it, its like a psychiatrist is going to take over your life and tell you what to do. Not true. Now that I know that I have full control over the whole process, it is a lot less worrisome then what I thought it would be. I realized that nobody is going to shove pills down my throat like I thought. I had to ask for them, and when I got the prescription, I had to go out and get them myself. It all has remained my own choice all under my control, and that is more then I can say about the way corporate scientology goes about "helping people" in its own way.

I'll post more later, as to the result of taking this medication for a few weeks, whether I drop it for another, or decide that it is helping.

An update:

It's been about 4 weeks now, since beginning the dosage. I don't see any improvement. Today I missed an appointment because I was awake all night and fell asleep at 7am. I don't feel any better then I have felt these past two years, which is to say, a pretty miserable feeling.

I have noticed also that my balance is ever so slightly off. A few days ago in the morning, as I descended the stairs, I slipped and landed on my rear end. I admit I was careless and drowsy at the time, and nothing would have happened if I was holding the handrail. But I know I have to be more careful with activities like climbing stairs, until I stop taking this stuff.

I'll give it a try for another two weeks, but I'll probably stop after that. I'll see about trying another kind, and post another update.