The Moment...

[astra]

Astra, that is a very telling post, and thank you for it.

I'm not ex-so but have tried staff and blown fast - coul not take the restricted personal freedom.

But the tipping point for me was an internal cognition indicating very clearly that "I could not, in good consience, recommend scn to ANYONE!" This occurred on day when someone was trying to get me to go out and do stress test/sell books. I'll resist giving time, place, form and event. Big O/R on that! How about you?

I find it sort of interesting to reflect that despite the above realization I figured I was, personally, tough enough to deal with it. Messes with your ego that way apparently.

By the way, I love everybody on this board, even you characters who are still in and snooping - and there is nothing you can do about that!

The final moment for me was watching DM foam at the mouth as he belittled and screamed at the Gold crew because of an act of God - a flash flood - and how it was all their fault.

I realized after all my time in the Sea Org that I was working for a mad man. It took some time before I was able to escape, but that was the moment you are talkling about for me.

He has done nothing over the years to prove my wrong about him being crazy. In fact he has gotten worse.

[Grundy]

I think it was when the RTC rep reamed me out and removed me from post for ethics handling for going on a weekend tour when the CO, Senior C/S, Chief Officer, Solo C/S and so forth arranged for me to go.

for me it was when we were sent to be the IAS Tour in the UK. I am English but I have absolutely no desire to live there, even now. There was nowhere for our younger son to go to school (the National School for the Blind said they MIGHT, possibly, have an opening in 18 months time) we were living at Stonelands which sucked mightily and walking with my wife down from the castle to the canteen I just turned to her and said "Fuck this for a game of soldiers, I for off, how about you?"

That's where the rot started I think.

Mine was being part of an Int Org being shredded by David Miscavidge. These people were my friends, at least as good a friend as you could get in the Sea Org. I watched him get people to turn onto each other, really start trying to hurt each other.

The final straw was when I watched him work the group up unto a frenzy, then singled one guy out, a good guy, and told the group essentially, if they didn't hurt him, punish him severly enough, that he would destroy their lives, carreers and future in Scientology, or if they were lucky, he would just send everyone to the RPF.

I watched these people turn on him, yell, scream, threaten the most unimaginable things, spit on him, these were his friends, we worked well together and closely, a small "elite" group of about 25, if they could have, they would have beat, killed degraded him etc. I think their proposal to Miscavage involved multiple consecuritive RPF assignments, and broad public issue of his OW writeups and PC folder "crimes".

I decided I could no longer live with myself in this environment.

Until this time, I had not personally experienced a group being turned like this, and the godlike fear towards Miscavidge.

I ran into this guy again, I think he was on the RPF for 7 years.

Just re-living this is kind of fucked up.

[astra]

[Dallas]

Wirestripper,

Sorry to hear of your treatment. Things seem to have gotten much more insain ... no 17 year old deserves that.

Glad you made the decision to get out and didn't let it break your spirit.

Lawanon,

Just saw I hadn't responded to your question.

I connected up with him a couple of times over the next 10 years. He aged at least 30 years, was a shadow of his former person, no drive, no humour, no light or spark in his eyes.

It's funny, I can't remember this at all. I have a very clear memory of what I did after I decided to go once and for all. I know something happened to kick me over the edge. But I cannot for the life of me recall what that was. Of course, I lived my life in a fog of exhaustion back then. I was so tired the walls breathed and the tile floor moved up and down on its own!

I remember sitting at a desk in div 6 and staring at the phone. I wished I had somewhere to go, anyone to call, but I didn't. I thought I might try my 1/2 sister, who I knew hated my parents. She was the only person who I thought would hide me and not call anyone to pick me up. But I called greyhound and a bus ticket to Oregon cost $90. I had about $5 to my name. Plus I didn't have an address for her, just a rural post office. So I gave up. I looked in the phone book and found a teen homeless shelter that I could walk to, but I was too scared to go there. So I spent several hours eluding security while I ferreted stuff out to the parking garage across the street from main bldg (just chips and cds and a clean shirt, I think). Then I walked away. It was really scary.

But I don't know what happened to lead me to sitting at the desk knowing I was finally done. Strange.