losing family to scientology and saying hi after 4 decades

After reading Jenna's story, I had to uncover some of my own feelings I have been carrying around for decades now. I hope Jenna reads this, it is very important. to me.
I want to tell my story.
I don't even know where to begin. First of all, I am one of the lucky ones. I was old enough in the early 70's when my mom joined Scientology, well maybe even as early as 1969 to not be sent to one of those ranches, camps whatever.
I was 15. She had gone to a meeting on the beach I grew up on in Malibu.
We had a pretty beautiful life at that time. My dad was the engineer to the Tonight Show, my mom a sort of practicing Buddhist. Who did some drugs, who was a vegetarian, you get the picture, it was the 60's. She was separating from my dad pretty much the same time as joining, actually he was my step dad but I was raised by him since I was 8. And he brought us to the beach. Like I said, life was beautiful.
And she became more and more involved until she just sort of vanished. And we (I had a younger brother, Greg) would see her infrequently when she would check on us and make sure we were eating. She rented out our beach house and we had a room that was built on the deck and were allowed to use the bathroom of the main house. It was then I started to venture up north.
Since I was about 15, I have pretty much been on my own, sort of trying to raise my younger brother a couple years younger. I refused at that young age to move into the absolute hole she was living in (Hollywood) and it was at this time she had to stop communications. I don't even know if this was really the case, but let's just say, I lost contact. In retrospect, this was I time I grew up very quickly, moved to northern Cal. and then on to Hawaii when I was 17.
I ended up on a very small commune type place, with a few people my age, (well I think I was the youngest) and a few in their early 20's. I brought my brother over for a summer to see if he might like it there, but he ended up back in Malibu with a childhood friend and his mom. The story gets pretty hairy and my little brother seemed to sort of drift around and didn't have a real home, this at a time he was in middle school. Do you see the picture? Parents like mine got so wrapped up in their goals which are really selfish and to tell you the truth most likely illegal but certainly it would be child neglect at the very least. This doesn't occur to us kids. But like I said, I was a lucky one, not on one of those ranches. I was in paradise with people who looked after me. I found myself not missing her.

We weren't exactly hippies here on the big island we were very productive, as we had jobs fishing with a local family, a very sprawling garden and we fished on our own.
I won't get into that as it is a story of its own, but we were pretty tight and these people gave me a sense of family, something I hadn't had for a few years.
Back to the ex kids of scientology....when you lose your parents so young in life something happens.
First of all you accept it. You don't really blame cuz that is not yet in your realm of thinking.
With me....now this is the tragic part, I don't consider the woman my mother so much.
42 years later (I just turned 58) I see that she has given considerable attempts to be a part of my life. It just isn't happening. I have created my own life since I was 16 and have an amazing husband now I have been married to for 11 years. Hold this thought because it is relevant. and he has four kids that have been either living with us or the older ones very involved with us as a family.
The last thing I need in my life is scientology. and sadly, that includes my mom.
And here is a little background....this too could make a book, but I have been trying to avoid this time in my life. It is just too painful.
My mom had another kid while in the church when I was twenty three. I had just moved back to Malibu to live with my brother who was doing okay. I had just left the island of Ponape in Micronesia where I was living for 2 1/2 years with my dear boyfriend who remained for a while. He is married with 4 kids now and still we are very close friends. Good communes do that. I am still best friends with about 5 of them. Very wonderful story all that.
But, I am back in Malibu in 1977 and Mom is still in Hollywood, married with a baby. She is working her way up the bridge and was one of those paid nothing to do so. She sold the beach house back to my dad several years before and used all that money for guess what?
My dad had remarried several times and the last wife pretty much got the house I think in the 80's, so that is gone. My tidepools, my friends, my surf point, my little very adored childhood, just gone. It's okay, we all move on in our lives, but just the fact that that crappy cult got that money....I have a problem with that.
Anyway, I moved back to the islands with my brother in the 80's on Kauai this time, and again life was pretty normal, we had great jobs at night, and surfed in the day. I started paddling in a canoe club and eventually married the woman's coach. We were number one men's and women's first crew for years and my life had found its way. My brother was in a relationship and had a baby....all that wasn't great as they separated, but we always stayed close. But, no real word from my mom. Though to be fair, I think she visited him once to see the baby.
So, I think it is probably around 1985, my little half brother came to stay with us a summer on Kauai. I just had a phone call, and the next week he was there. I think he was around seven. He was a huge problem with my husband. He seemed to be very hyper, very troublesome, and apparently without too many social skills. We worked on this, all the while I was getting much criticism from my husband about my mom. I totally understood, but the moment required me to try to fix this kid. We did get somewhere and then he went home. I got him the next year and I had to start all over again. Anyway, it seemed now in retrospect that James had some issues. It gets worse.
My mom's best friend is Tory Christman, I have known her since I was very young but not those first years as I wasn't involved with the cult and just remained apart with my own life. But she has a son, who was the same age as James. I know, I am starting to name people, and please let me know this is okay. Please? Someone??
Anyway, after those couple or maybe three summers with my half brother, I can't do it anymore, it is way too much work and my relationship with my husband is not going well.
I back away from my mom, who BTW never really showed her face, just got rid of the kid. I wish I knew what went on. I will ask his dad someday.....and you will see why I haven't yet.
I don't know where to start back, but now you know the Tory connection....
somehow I end up back on the mainland after my divorce from Earl. 1990 I think.
I am living with my brother again. I get a job, I move back to the beach, I adopt a baby, and Greg, my bother gets arrested for the second time with selling cocaine. I forgot to mention that my brother had some real drug and alcohol problems. Severe. I didn't. I just loved the hell out of him. We had been through so much together...him staying with me, me with him. We were always there for each other. at some point....I failed. I feel l failed in so many ways with both my brothers. Both are DEAD.
My dad is dead. I lost all the men in my life.
Tory knows most of the story.
My brother James took his life the year I moved back to Malibu, about 8 months after I move back from Kauai the second time.
It was 1998. I don't when exactly when but my step dad had defected. I won't mention his name until I know it is okay. But he was pretty high up and so was my mom.
OT 5 or 6 or 7. I don't know, I don't do scientology. I hate it.
My mom was married again to my dad. Really, Dad? I had been pretty close to him for years and now he is back with my mom.
Both my brothers are living with them, I was working at the Ritz Carlton, starting my own catering business....and wham. My mom is living out of the org. Oh, she was at the Sea Org I think around 1988 or '89. I can't recall.
I had visited on Christmas of '97. My brother James was in a bedroom listening to music away from everyone out in the front room. It was chaotic there. My other brother Greg and my dad were hammered. My mom was standing on her head against a wall. She was totally out there. Always. Never aware of James's problems. I heard she was a bad scientologist, anyway. But, who the hell doesn't see things are amiss with your kids? I try to forgive. It is very hard now as a parent.
I just remember most my brother's state of being. It wasn't good. I should've taken him away right then.
I didn't.
I see him a few weeks later. It was a morning on my way to work.
It is Jan. 25th or 26th, I don't recall cuz I can't think about it. 1998.
I see he is asleep on a futon in a bedroom he shares with my alcoholic brother. My daughter is at kindergarten in Malibu. I am having such problems with recall.
I kick the futon, "James!!!!Get your ass up!"
He seems to be laying around, not doing much. My mom is not concerned. I am. That is a major issue. I see depression. She doesn't or doesn't care.
Again, I should've taken him away from there.
Sorry, a little breather. This is tremendously difficult. the guilt never passes.
Later that evening I get a call, don't even remember from who.
James is in ER, UCLA. self inflicted gunshot to the head.
he is breathing.
he is brain dead.
I am there
Greg, my other brother is there
My mom and James's dad is there.
We are not in this world.
the doctor informs us that we should remove the life support systems.
we huddle for hours
we say goodbye
we remove life support

he passes

at this point a different sort of life takes on
I have to become all in charge.
my family is totally non functional.
I have to confer again with the parents
quickly
about the organs
we huddle
we donate
I figure this in exactly two minutes
lets give life where one ends
seems right to me.
I can't really go on
I will be glad to continue at another time
as life gets even more complicated
I love all you children, then and now and I will promise now to pick up more pieces
I will, though, leave you with this
my mom after just a week or two of this... said to me;
"I will NOT let this ruin my life"
My response...
"But mine is"

signed,
Diana Temple

Dearest Diana,

I am, as always, soooooooooooo proud of you! Thank you SO very much for sharing part of your
amazing story with us. First let me say this: Please, Pleeeeeeeeeease, do NOT feel guilty for any of
the men in your life and the tragedies that have happened. You have with stood ALL odds, despite
being so young, so really abandoned, and despite this...you have made a wonderful life for yourself and
for many others, too. I adore you!

Yes, Vicki *(Diana's Mom) WAS one of my BFF's. Until I woke up in July of 2000 and escaped out, and your
brother told me: "You don't want to know what my Mom is saying about you". He told me a few....and that
truly grossed me out. REALLY VICKI? Forgiveness? Sorry: Screw you and the Cult of Abuse you continue
to support.

I remember when we were friends and she told me "oh yes, I have these two kids and one of them seems
always upset about Scientology. Maybe you could come help clear it up". This was in the mid 70's I think. I'm awful
with time, too. Ok, so we drive out to Malibu to Greg's pad. We walk in...and I ask innocently: "Hey what's up with
you and Hubbard? You don't like him? Why not? (realize Diana's Mom had told me n o t h i n g about abandoning
them on the beach....so this was like walking into a tornado!

Greg Flips out, rightfully so, telling me this AWFUL story about how their Mom had "Dumped us on the beach at
14 and 15...leaving us $50 at the liquor store, and went back to join Scientology". Honestly?
That IS what your Mom (and most of us) thought we were joining...a group to help "Free Mankind". QUACK!

Needless to say, I was horrified. It became one of my goals to somehow TRY to help both Greg and Diana...although
in truth Diana is one of THE most together peeps I have ever known, and I mean that. Later Vicki and Diana's Step Dad
(Name withheld until you decide to say it) gave birth to James...and yes, he was a handful all of his life. Tragically, I
now know 9 young Scientologists personally who have taken their own lives. How horrible is that? James was a character
and I too wish I could have helped him. (((sigh))

Diana's Mother, Vicki Dries, is still "in"...trapped within the Cult, the same as my ex-husband is, too.

I am SO proud of you, Diana.

Thank you for sharing some of your story! I know you won't say it but I can:
Diana is one of THE most able people I've ever known. She's a fabulous Mother, wife, an amazing cook
She grows her own food and is very fun to be around. I send you tons of love and <3 (((hugs))) <3

Happy New Year to you, kiddo

Proud to be your friend,

Tory/Magoo

I have to say....I missed a lot of James's growing up.
A lot of time went by since he stayed summers with us on Kauai until I returned in 1997. But, I did connect a few times during brief moments before he took his life.
He was an amazing young adult.
He was a musician. I loved how he played guitar. He was a brilliant creative soul, he was sweet and he was funny.
I do have a ticket stub he gave me from his first show at the Roxy Theatre.
I know he was having a bad time.
And I couldn't comment on this because he was in the church....
or getting the nerve to leave. But I do know he was completely unable to talk to me or anyone else. This is insane. Who does that to a being?
Once during that time just weeks before he died, I asked....
"how do you do this?" referring to life at Vicki's with her ex husband Don from 25 years previous, now married again.
her previous husband, John, James's dad, had defected and James was living between the two houses.
He just rolled his eyes.
I didn't take it further. I fucked up there.
Something rather odd happens when you fear something. I will now say that no one can dictate my life or what I think or what I say. I have nothing to lose.
I will now tell the truth if it will keep anyone from the same loss we suffered. I can't take back those moments I did nothing. But, I will speak out if it will help any young person from falling into that pit of depression. or feeling abandoned by their parents, or feeling something is wrong with them. I will no longer stand by and make excuses for my mother. I don't really care what she does. It is these kids that I am standing up for. Kids like me, like Jenna.
At this time when I lost James, I was actually called on my home phone by a mother of a young boy at one of those ranches that Jenna speaks of and she was asking for help.
I don't remember the person, or how she got my number, but she was going on and on about these ranches where all this abuse was happening.
I don't remember the context, or what I could've done, it was a horrible dilemma, and I remember saying that I couldn't get involved because my mom was still very involved with the church.
I remember that I was afraid my life would be tormented if I spoke out.

There isn't a day that goes by without thinking of James. I can't do fireworks. He was born the 4th of July. Last night was one of those, too, new years eve.
I still think that if I had only........

He was magic as he grew up, a musician, sweet and funny.
A clown, a master at creative thinking.
HIs dad is the force behind this, a solid dad, supportive, patient, soft spoken, tremendously loving. This loss took his soul away.
His mom was a pawn. is a pawn.
When Tory left the church my mom was instructed to disconnect. How do you do that after so many years of friendship?
I am sorry, but there is no religion on the planet that demands that you shun your best friend because she leaves your church. None.
I brought this up many times and she has the same and robotic rhetoric. It is not my mother speaking, it is some sort of Scientology mantra that she vomits when she has to tell me the reason. It is not pretty.

I am thinking of my last stand to get her back. My mom who never was my mom.
I told her that I read Jenna's book.
I was trying not to attack her or her stupid religion.
I just mentioned how lucky I felt to have been old enough to not have had the life of those kids like Jenna.
I said I just missed that story as my own.
She hung up on me.
Yep, my mom who is trying to become part of my family again.
She sent me a Christmas card.
"Diana, you are looking at the disaffected, sometimes very exaggerated opinions of a minor number. There are MILLIONS of people who have had really big wins from the data" and she said she would send me factual news on the many things they do to help society.
First of all Vicki Dries....stop the forced lingo.
and second but most important,
it didn't seem to help my brother!
and that's all I have to say.
Diana Temple

Thank you Tory for supporting me in my decision to venture into my past.
It is helping me so much.
I am not new to the therapeutic process, and at this age,
it is welcomed.
I sure hope these kids with scientology parents are being cared for differently.
What is happening now with them?
Who is standing up for them?
What can I do?

What can you do? Well, first off all, great start!
Often when people leave the cult or actually finally feel strong enough,
and safe enough to speak out...they feel the same. What should I/Could I DO?

Well, start by reading and lurking. Listen to many interviews here and on http://www.xenutv.com
Check out my YT site at http://www.youtube.com/ToryMagoo44
It sounds like *you* have done a lot of that...so you've begun, imnsho, THE #1 thing for someone like you who has gone
through such a horrific experience due to $cientology....tell your story. THANK YOU for doing this and please continue!
Next:
Create an account at http://www.exscn.net and share your story there, too.
_____________________________________

You said: "The more people that hear your story, there's more chance you will be helping others, as well as yourself.
At this time when I lost James, I was actually called on my home phone by a mother of a young boy at one of those ranches that Jenna speaks of and she was asking for help.
I don't remember the person, or how she got my number, but she was going on and on about these ranches where all this abuse was happening.
I don't remember the context, or what I could've done, it was a horrible dilemma, and I remember saying that I couldn't get involved because my mom was still very involved with the church.
I remember that I was afraid my life would be tormented if I spoke out.

There isn't a day that goes by without thinking of James. I can't do fireworks. He was born the 4th of July. Last night was one of those, too, new years eve.
I still think that if I had only........"
______________________________________


I have the same, re James and the others I knew who took their own lives, but James is top of the list
as I knew him so well. I knew him from birth. I was at your Mom's baby shower, and she at mine. He was an
amazing character---and I often miss him.

Just to fill in a few possible confusions for you, here are a few things I *think* you may have mixed up.
(If not, and you know this, please forgive me).
Jenna was in the Sea Org and was sent to live at "The Ranch"...where they sent Sea Org kids to live and
basically slave away. This was a place they lived and worked at, 24/7. Jenna tells her story in her book, and
you've read it, so you know how that was.

James' ranch that lady was speaking about, I'm almost positive, was a school/ranch called
"Mace-Kingsley Ranch". Remember? Your Mom and J went to work there for awhile, while James was there, for some of his
High School years.
They still had awful abuses that went on at this "School/Ranch"...but it was different than Jenna's in that
she was in the Sea Org, (24/7----Billion Year Contract)
James was technically at a School: "Mace-Kingsley Ranch".

I don't know if he was one of the many children who were sexually abused there by a guy named
"Wally". Believe it or not...I think they let him back in the "church" (spit) last I heard. He should be behind bars, with
certain parts cut OFF...but since kids read here, I'll try to be discrete.

I will say this: IF you are young and are reading this (even if you're older)...IF s/one is abusing you:
1) GET OUT OF THERE.
2) IF YOU CANNOT GET AWAY YOURSELF.......CALL THE POLICE!
$cientology tries to make it as if you have zero chance outside of being with them.

If you're reading this..........you KNOW that is NOT true.
Take care of you!

If you're here in LA, and you want out and are of age: give me a call, I'll come get you.
Even if you are under age, if you need help, call me and I'll try to connect you up with someone who CAN help you.
DO NOT just feel alone.

That goes for you, Diana, too....re please don't feel alone. So many people have lived
in this sick CULT and Understand, thankfully. It still doesn't make it "ok"...but I've found
having others who understand has helped me a TON over the years.

Please make an account on EXSCN.NET and post your story there, too.

LOTS of love to you ..and ALL here, too!

Tory/Magoo
(818)-588-3044

PS: I'm SO sorry re your Mom..I really am. I often *hope* she will
WTFU and get out of there. (sigh).

You said: "She sent me a Christmas card.
"Diana, you are looking at the disaffected, sometimes very exaggerated opinions of a minor number. There are MILLIONS of people who have had really big wins from the data" and she said she would send me factual news on the many things they do to help society.
First of all Vicki Dries....stop the forced lingo.
and second but most important,
it didn't seem to help my brother!
and that's all I have to say.
Diana Temple"

AMEN on that one! "You are looking at the disaffected, sometimes very exaggerated opinions of
a minor number"???? REALLY??? The Vast MAJORITY of OT's have Left. Thousands are declared "SP"...
more each and every day and it's now become a badge of HONOR to be Declared SP!

Almost ALL of the "Executives"
are either OUT or locked up in "The Hole" ...which she nor any others "in" even know about, nor do they want to!

"There are MILLIONS of people who have had really big wins from the data". REALLY? Really Big, or sort of big
that are fleeting, last a blink and are gone? IF there were MILLIONS---we'd all still be "in", wouldn't we?
You're a very smart woman. IF there was such fabulous information that is SO Helpful...wouldn't you have gotten
"in" too? And what about Greg? Is she trying to blame his addiction and death on myself and this other small group
of disaffected peeps? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Nopa. He was in *that* boat thanks to one person: Vicki (and abandonment), Lonnnnnng
before I ever escaped out.

I know it's hurtful probably for you to hear me say such things, but hey....I'm sick of her blaming others
for actions SHE did...and refuses to take responsibility for.

Blessings and (((((hugs))))))) to you, Diana! Great new start to a New Year!!

Tory/Magoo

"When Tory left the church my mom was instructed to disconnect. How do you do that after so many years of friendship?
I am sorry, but there is no religion on the planet that demands that you shun your best friend because she leaves your church. None.
I brought this up many times and she has the same and robotic rhetoric. It is not my mother speaking, it is some sort of Scientology mantra that she vomits when she has to tell me the reason. It is not pretty."

Thank you, Diana.....very much.

I'm so soooooooooo sorry you've had to be dragged through this.


Peace & Love~~~

Tory/Magoo

I am not a Scientology and was curious about this cult so I read books written by Jenna and Headley and Wright. OMG, all I can say that I am amazed that law enforcement have not prosecuted the church for child labour/slavery, harassment and stalking. Is the church that powerful? To deny people walking away from the church on their own free will and to be left alone is incredible beyond belief. What religion tells so much lies and creates so much division amongst its members? While concentrating on recruiting high profilers (that's where the money is) and treating the others to hard labour. I still can not grasp the concept of those who can not leave (brainwash) or are too afraid to. I hope that someday more will find the courage to get out and this is where ex-scientologist can make a difference. Congratulations on exposing the organization.

Hey Diana!

Are you still here? Just curious....I sent you a private message but you have not answered.

Please take a look at it, and let me know you're fine.


Lots of love to you

Tory/Magoo

I am fine...
I guess.
what is weird is that this takes over such a big part of my thinking.
something to consider is my daughter.
apparently she is pretty upset I don't let this all go.
She knows I am upset recently about my mom's involvement in the church.
And, get this, Vicki is texting her about our disagreement.
I don't get in the middle as I don't want to cast judgment about Vicki with my daughter.
She has a relationship with her grandmother.
I feel it is not appropriate to taint that,
but remember, my daughter has some conditions that require medication and Vicki used to argue with me about that.
So, I do feel I have to watch out for my daughter even though she is an adult.
Of course I am a little protective having said that she is an adult now. I didn't have an inkling of that as a child.
I vowed to never abandon my daughter, ever! As a child or adult.
Sort of what parents do.
How does clearing the planet or helping society detract from one's own family?
and she wants a family reunion with my aunt, my cousins and whomever, here in Hawaii at my house....I don't get it.
Should she be talking to me?
Is she different from those at the sea org as she is JUST doing courses there and not living there anymore? I guess I am curious if I am an SP?
anyway,....all is good. Thanks for asking.
Diana

(sigh) ahhhh Diana......I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is getting
caught up in this. I have a theory about parents and kids, mainly because of the now 10
younger peeps I know who have taken their own lives....James being #1 on my list.

Basically---it's VERY important to respect your daughter's wishes, as well as take care of yourself.
Vicki is no doubt trying to "Mend fences" ..but probably only as long as it goes towards Scientology,
OR shuts you up.

No, you're not an "SP". They would call you "PTS" (and always have): A Potential Trouble Source.
Which means..........you are connected with an SP or more. You ARE! Here you are and I'm not the only SP
here...although I'm proud to say I am. So with people who are "PTS"...they are ALWAYS
trying to get you to cut off from any "SP" you are talking to. What's the *real* goal of that? To cut anyone
off from LEARNING FACTS about L Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige and the phony "church" that they do
NOT want known. Why Not? BECAUSE ******IF*******people were allowed to see ALL Of the facts, they'd be
out the door, tonight!

I say do the family reunion! It'll be good for your Daughter, and probably you, too. Ya never know. What
IF Vicki IS up for really talking? ((And OSA? Forgettabout trying to stop *this* communication. It WILL only get
worse...for YOU)).

Lots of love to you ......and as my late friend, Ida Camburn used to always tell me:
"Just take it a day at a time".

You do the same

PS: You may want to use this opportunity to discuss free speech with your daughter.

What is it? Where does the line draw?
She's already said she doesn't want you talking about this.
Why not, specifically? Get that...for starters.
((Because I'd put $$$ on it, it's some lie that is NOT true, at all))

Love 2 U

T