Post Wed Feb 19, 2014 12:15 am

Eternal Brainwash

Hi everyone. Thank you for reading what is sure to be a "longie."

I have not posted in an "ex" forum before, but I've been out for almost as long as I have been in. I got into it in the early 1980s and I left in the summer of 2000. You'd think, that's a long time out. This person would be "over it" by now.

Over 10 years of therapy, four specific to cult exiting and Scientology, and I'd say I still have some ways to go. There is still residual. And it's taken me this long to even admit that I am a victim of brainwashing. It's not all that okay with me to be on the effect end of anything, much less a victim. Yet here I am.

I am not an ex-Scientology kid however. I got into it through, let's say, "friends." I really can't expose the true story in its entirety on the boards. Not yet anyway. But I was around 12 at the time. Does that count? And I wasn't Sea Org, but I was on staff at a Narconon for a while and know what a 65 hour week is like.

I was "Clear" and about ready to do my OT levels when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, so you can imagine the rejection I experienced, plus how much blame was placed on me. That went on and on for years, even well after I left.

So here's the kicker; I've been working on a book for the last four years. Right now I've been reading Jenna's and it is excellent - the story and the writing. My book is not necessarily about Scientology solely. It is mostly about my shitty childhood before I even got into the cult, and how I survived that abusive hell on top of the cult. My early childhood explains many of the reasons why Scientology appealed to me in the first place. I already have a pretty great editor on board, and because of the story being compelling and some of the people involved, there's an excellent chance of it being published. Really, I'd say a 99% chance. I'm pretty confident about it, even though I'd write it whether it was going to be published or not.

After this occurs, there will be no turning back. Perhaps it will be the final band-aid that I need to rip off to truly heal, I don't know, but I figured since I am almost finished with the first pass now, maybe I should start looking for as much support as I can get. I hope I can find that here.

Thanks for reading this, if you didn't fall asleep yet, that is.